The anatomy of a big cry

It had been building up for weeks now.

First, it was the rental agreement on the tiny studio apartment that fell through. One look at the sun laden balcony and I could envision myself sipping my morning cuppa there. But apparently you can't argue with landlords on the independent woman clause.
Then it was the guy who said he'd call but didn't. The date went so well and he genuinely seemed like a nice, thoughtful guy. Apparently those don't exist any more.

But every ounce of restraint and patience really came apart today. The expect pat on the back at work (and the cold, hard green that comes with it) landed up on her back, yet again.  No matter how hard I tried to swallow and bury it deep, I couldn't fight it. So unsurprisingly by early afternoon I found myself blubbering like a baby at how things had unfurled.

When Fergie said big girls don't cry, she was definitely lying. At first, it started with a sniffle. Then, teary eyes. Finally, when I realised I couldn't pass of my tears as allergies any longer, I made a beeline for the bathroom and bawled my eyes out while being as quiet as I possibly could.

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Big cries are like pressure cookers. Every unpleasant occurrence is a new ingredient in the pot. It cooks, it marinates, it stews within you. And when your very being cannot swallow any more, the cooker whistles with a shoot of steam. You erupt into a weeping fountain of tears, snot and sniffles. Ugly criers, it is times like these I feel you completely. I've never known what is to sob while looking dainty and delicate. Mine include black streams of running makeup, multiple failed attempts to hold it back and racoon eyes.

Suddenly, relief washes over you. Like a calm after the storm, you're overcome by a sense of peace. Your sudden geyser of emotions has dried up and so have your tears. This feels cathartic. Since it isn't a magic trick, your problems may not have disappeared at the drop of a hat but you're feeling...dare we say, better? Of course you can do this. From bad dates to missed promotions, you really do have it in you to take it on. It may have been a messy, wet few minutes but damn, does it feel good.

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